I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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