I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
