Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
