I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
