did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
