new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I had to cum in my sink.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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