There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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