dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My cat gives me a boner
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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