I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
