I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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