shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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