p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
please come you make the beer taste better
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
