I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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