Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think we might need a safe word for this...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
