Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
