I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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