a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
