i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
