Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
