I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Randomize
