the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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