you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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