I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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