i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize