I queefed so loud it echoed.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
