new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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