if only i could text you this smell
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
