I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
