Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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