my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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