Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
