matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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