batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
