dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
ok first of all what the fuck
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
