You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize