I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you will always have a special place in my vag
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
