come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
