Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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