are you still at the devil's house?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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