I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
