they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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