The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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