All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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