I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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