the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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