trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
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Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
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I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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