My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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