omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
