She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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