there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
