i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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