What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
