Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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