so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
