Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
This is the high leading the old right now
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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