She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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