And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
