She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
