hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
