im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
