craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
