so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
