I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
