I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
