I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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