So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
