I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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