Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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