Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
